Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Without a seed there can be no fruit

I sometimes wonder why certain things happen to me!  When I am frantically searching for an item that I absolutely need right now, and cannot find I have often been heard to mutter “why does this always happen to me?”

Can you guess why that particular occurrence may happen to me ... and possibly to you too?  Bet it was because the last time you used it you failed to put it back in its rightful place!

Everything has its place and everything should be in its place!” was a maxim of my super organised grandmother – and I can hear the echo of those words when I am once more frantically searching for that file or folder before I have to leave the house.

The problem is that life is hectic and when I had finished with it last time, I was immediately focused on the next task and so put the file down on the nearest available space and forgot it.  Over the next few weeks or so, I may have seen and possible even moved it to get at something else, but the one thing I failed to do was to replace it in ‘its own place’. 

Consequently when I next really needed it ...  well, you know what happened.

This simple, and I suspect usual, scenario leads me into today’s thoughts – we often sow the seeds of our own disasters without a care in the world, and only when they come to fruition do we realise the extent of our failure. 

The temptation then is to blame someone else, or our circumstances; or even ‘things beyond our control’ – but it doesn't change the facts; we planted the seed so we harvest the fruit.

Good intentions are no guarantee that our fruit will be sweet; sometimes the seeds we planted with all the best intentions in the world can produce the bitterest of results. Again the temptation is to blame outside influences, everyone else and fall back on the self-indulgent thought that at least our intentions were good, so the unpleasant results must be someone else’s fault. 

The English poet, William Henley, suffered from tuberculosis of the bone which led to the amputation of his lower leg.  He was often in great pain but devised a philosophy which enabled him to live a full and active life despite his disability. 

 Many of us will know his poem “Invictus”; especially the last verse:

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishment the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Here, Henley was talking about self-determination; the truth of life. It is we that control our destiny; not fate, not other people – but us.  Our choices, our attitude, our decisions and our actions – these make us the ‘master of our fate’ and the ‘captains of our soul’.  And each one of these is a seed we plant to be harvested in the future.

My failure to put the file I used away is a simple example of how my simple choice actually impacted on my future.  When I harvested the fruit of that seed, I arrived at the meeting out of breath, frustrated and without the file containing the vital information that I needed.  The consequence of that was that I lost the contract and the respect of these I hoped to work for.

A simple seed, so carelessly sown – but the fruit was very bitter to taste.

Today I have taken the decision to be more thoughtful of the kinds of seeds I sow, and more careful of the possible fruits I may harvest in my future.  My actions will lead to consequences; if I do not like the consequences then I must change the actions.

What sort of seeds are you carelessly sowing today, and will you remember that it was you that actually put the chain of events in motion?  If your fruit is bitter to the taste will you recall the single seed that you planted, then germinated and grew into this?

“Although we are responsible for what we sow, we forget that we've planted these seeds and either give credit to or blame people or things outside of us when they ripen ... But we lose sight of the fact that each thought, word, and action will produce a result. When the fruit finally ripens, we think, ‘why did this happen to me? I've done nothing to deserve this.’ - Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche


So here’s to more productive gardening in the future where, if I do sow seeds of my own disappointment, I will be strong enough to say “Well, that didn't work out, so what can I learn?” rather than wailing “Why does this always happen to me?”


Michele @ Trischel

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

I'd love to come to your party - but I won't know anyone there ...

 If you are honest, I bet you are one of the very many of us who are uncomfortable walking into a room full of people you have never met. Truthfully now, aren't you?


There are many situations which we may encounter everyday of our lives that make us feel uncomfortable, such as returning something to a store; participating in discussion groups; interviews; taking part in networking and having to talk to a group. These are just some the everyday situations which don’t specifically require public speaking skills, but do need some type of conversational skills. From just this ‘little list’ you can see that we live a life fraught with conversational difficulties.


Now many of us will handle our anxieties by donning our public masks, you know the one we wear when we really don’t want our vulnerable self to be seen. Some people are the clowns; some will be aggressive; others will be nauseatingly self-deprecating and some will play the strong silent type. None will be their normal comfortable self.

John Powell said “I am afraid to tell you who I am, because, if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it’s all that I have.”

Much of the problem is usually the unrecognised ‘self-talk’ we indulge in before facing these situations. If we are going to a party where we know very few people we are likely to tell ourselves “No-one is going to talk to me” – “I’m not dressed right” - “I’m boring and they are going to think I am uninteresting”. With that amount of negativity going on, you are probably going to be right.

Getting the courage to face our situation anxiety starts with the rejection of such negative self-talk, and to do that we need to ‘attribute causes accurately’. What on earth does that mean?

Attributions are the explanations, reasons or interpretations that we give ourselves for what happens. How you explain why you have anxiety or are shy influences how you deal with it. Our explanations are usually wrong and if we treat them as being the truth it can seriously affect the way in which we react to anxiety situations.

Some of the misconceptions that many of us believe are true for us are:

I can’t help it, I was born like it! – This gives you a perfect reason not to overcome your nerves, if it’s all in the genes then there’s nothing I can do about it. Trying to change is a waste of time. Continue to think this way and your inability to face anxiety situations becomes enshrined and worn as a badge of honour. Sorry to burst the bubble – but being anxious or shy in unknown situations is not nature, its nurture. Although some of us may have different biological predispositions to situation anxiety, most of our response is a result of learned behaviour maintained by current thinking patterns.

I had a rotten childhood! – Your unfortunate past or the way that others treated you may have contributed to your lack of confidence, but it is what you do and say to yourself now that sustains the anxiety.

I prefer to let others make the first move! – If you are shy or anxious about a situation, it is much easier to take a low profile and wait for other, more assertive, people to come to you. Now just remember how many of us are similarly anxious or shy at the gathering – all waiting for other people to make the first move! So standing around waiting for it to happen may not be your best choice.

I can’t stand rejection! – Well none of us like it; but setbacks are a normal part of living. Not everybody in this world is going to appreciate our personal value. So do not have unrealistic expectations and if someone rejects your friendly overtures, smile and move on. Don’t let their negative reaction influence yours.

Now that we realise that we are not alone in our anxiety over new situations, we should be ready to look at some other of the ways we can learn to overcome it.

But let us be determined this month to start with how to combat our negative self –talk. Coping with self-talk is a thinking skill. So let’s think about that.

Michele@Trischel



Monday, 6 October 2014

3 Frequently Asked Questions About Public Speaking



Here are our answers to the 3 most asked questions about Public Speaking:

How do I handle nerves when I get up and speak?

First be aware that it is okay to be nervous.  In fact when you learn to control your nerves you can use them to provide the WOW factor you need in your presentations and in your speaking. Everyone gets nervous even those top speakers you are probably admiring from afar.  The secret is accepting the nerves – not letting them overwhelm you and as I said, using them to take your presentation and speaking to the next level.

Breathing is essential to speaking – it is also a great tool in controlling your nerves.  Taking two or three deep breaths before getting up and speaking will help you be in control.  I call it centring.  Those deep breaths spread the oxygen through the body and gives you a sense of calm – being centred in your body and being in control.

A lot of our nerves arise from a fear of the unknown – we are not used to getting up and speaking and are not sure what to expect when we do.  By taking every opportunity to speak we are becoming aware of what happens when we do speak, we are getting a feel for how the audiences react and we are also getting a feel on how to control the nerves.

Visualisation is also a great tool to overcome the nerves.  Using similar techniques that top speakers, sports people and actors use we can work through our presentations – working on our mind to anticipate the outcome of our speaking and presentation – to visualise success.  What we tell our brain to expect is what our brain will expect.

How do I organise my information?

This is a problem we all face at one time or another.  If you are like me you love to research your topic and the internet can be very bright shiny object leading you all over the place and before you know it you have heaps of information but you realise you only have a limited time frame to present.  It is not all going to fit – what do you do?

A good guideline – you can really only talk about three main points in a ten minute presentation. So you need to filter that large amount of information into the three most relevant pieces of information that support your message.  A little tip I use is to think of going into a meeting with  client and I find that instead of the ten minutes I originally had I now only have three minutes – what is the one most important piece of information I need to share – that will become my first point.  I do the same exercise twice more and that will give me the three main point that I want to speak about.

These three points become the body of your presentation – out of this you develop your opening and you conclusion.

How do I stop umming and ahing?

Umming and ahing are vocal pauses for thought.  When we are not sure what we are going to say next what often happens is that we drop our jaw and sound comes out as an um or er or ah…
 
The best way to prevent this is to close the mouth, breathe in through the nose take a pause to think, then open the mouth and speak.  Not always easy to start with but the more you practice the better it will become.

Have someone listen to you speak and make a note of each time you have that vocal pause for thought.  Slowly you will find that those vocal pauses will get less and less.  Instead you will find you will have powerful pauses that are adding impact to your presentation and your credibility will begin to grow.

Trish @ Trischel

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Monday, 29 September 2014

What's On At Trischel in October - Public Speaking, Advanced Communication Workshop



October – spring for us in the southern hemisphere and autumn for those in the northern hemisphere – for all of us time to contemplate and plan your journey with Trischel  ....

Our October workshop for those in or around the Brisbane is:

30 October  -  Advance Communication Workshop
Interpersonal Communication for the Workplace


There's nothing more demoralizing than a leader who can't clearly articulate why we're doing what it is we're doing. - James Kouzes and Barry Posner

The most successful business people today are those that have mastered the art of communication.  These are the managers and leaders that can clearly and effectively ‘Inform, Instruct and Inspire’ – the three main functions of Business Communication. 
The difference between being proficient in Public Speaking and being an Advanced Communicator is in creating real interpersonal communication in a business environment and for business purposes.

“The training was delivered with enthusiasm which was infectious. The workshop was excellent and most valuable" Glen Hooper; Principal, Connell Wagner
I recommend this course highly as it gave me confidence, and I now know that I am capable of delivering a great presentation – especially with my new communication ‘tool kit’ of skills to help.Sarah Reith from The IQ Business Group

Trish Springsteen will be speaking at:


1 October Northlakes Networking  Sth African Expats Club 9.30am  http://on.fb.me/1BuESlp
1 October NRG Northside Aura Café  4.30pm http://on.fb.me/1BuESlp

Trischel will be at the following Network Events :
Hope to see you there – come up and say hello

2 October – BPW Caboolture Centenary Lakes Caboolture Breakfast
15 October - NRG Northside Aura Café  4.30pm

For more information on Trischel and how we can assist you please drop by
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Trish @ Trischel

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

3 Tips to Build Your Confidence as a Speaker



Do you have a message, a passion, a fantastic business proposal but you are not confident that you can communicate and share with an audience? How do you build your confidence so that you can be an effective communicator and speaker when you need to be and not hours later on the way home – or even worse miss an opportunity to shine because of a lack of confidence?

Here are 3 tips that will help to answer those questions:

1.      Take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way to gain experience. The more experience you gain the more confident you will become. Just getting up and speaking will help you to gain that experience. Whether it is to just say a few words of introduction or to give a speech it will help you to realize that the floor is not going to open up and swallow you. Every speech you give you can learn from and every speech you give will show you that the audience wants to hear from you – they are not going to throw tomatoes!  At least they haven’t so far!  Take the opportunities that come at network meetings to get up and introduce yourself.  Practice your communication skills by saying hello to the other members of your network groups – they won’t bite!  In fact they are probably wondering the same thing as you – how do I get the confidence to say hello and network.

2.     Accept that you do not have to be perfect –you just have to be you and share your message. This can be hard to start with but once you allow yourself to accept this it can be a big breakthrough for you. Once you acknowledge that it is okay to make mistakes and learn from them and become comfortable with whom you are, your confidence will grow.

3.     Ask for feedback from your audiences, from your friends and from your mentors.  The positive feedback you receive, and yes there will be positive feedback, will help build your confidence.  When you realise that people want to hear you speak it boosts that confidence tremendously and gives you a wonderful foundation to build on. Remember, that all feedback is valuable and keep in mind that even the not so positive feedback can be used to boost that confidence – they obviously enjoyed hearing you and want to help you take your speaking to the next level.  If they didn’t they wouldn’t have given any feedback.  How’s that for a confidence boost!!!

To get confidence speaking you have to speak – there is no other way to do it.  Start small and build on each occasion.  The more experience you get the more confident you become.  It is okay to not to be perfect – be yourself.  Get feedback the positive will boost your confidence and the not so positive will help you to grow to the next level.

And finally, have fun and enjoy your speaking and communication.

Trish @ Trischel

For more information on Trischel and how we can assist you please drop by
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